Like a Rolling (Kidney) Stone

It started to hurt on the way home from Israel. A little pain in my back that felt like a pulled muscle and some cramps in my side. And then it hit me – the stones were back. Since my junior year of college, I have been plagued by kidney stones that appear and reappear every few years. When I tell people that, they often say, “I heard those can be so painful. I heard they hurt as much as childbirth.” Depending on my mood, I either agree with them and lament my own discomfort, or I tell them that it is really not that bad, and that there are worse things that could happen.

In reality, I will be fine, and my kidneys are functioning at optimal levels. But on the many occasions that I told people that I was fine and that I would be ok, I was actually doing myself a disservice. Certainly there is a difference between those who fish for compliments or who yearn for sympathy for undeserved reasons, and those who could really use a helpful word of reassurance. When we shy away from support and assistance when we really need it, we not only deny our friends the opportunity to fulfill the mitzvahs of “caring for the sick and needy” and “loving your neighbor as yourself,” we also seclude ourselves in a cocoon that deflects words and gestures that could actually be beneficial to us.

There is a story from the Talmud in which a blind man was able to derive enjoyment from light. Rabbi Yossi once said: “We read ‘You shall grope at noon, as the blind gropes in darkness’ (Deuteronomy 28:29). I used to wonder: ‘What difference does it make to a blind man whether it is noon or night?’

“Once on a dark night, I met a blind man carrying a torch. I asked him why he carried it, and he answered: ‘So that people may see me and save me from obstacles.’”

This blind man understood that his affliction limited him and forced him to rely on the kindness of others to support him. In all of our lives there are times when we should depend on our neighbors, on our community and on those who are committed to helping us in our time of need. You are probably familiar with the concept of a minyan. Our tradition ordains that ten people are necessary to convene a public prayer service. The reason that a minyan is necessary is because when Jews celebrate, they should have their community there to help them celebrate. And when Jews mourn or are in need of healing, they should have the Jewish community there to support them. This style of prayer is symbolic of a built in system of support that characterizes Judaism as a whole. Yet, the system can only work when those who need help are willing to allow healing to take place.

It is true that there are worse things that could have happened to me than kidney stones, but it is also true that they really hurt and that I needed to heal.

As we approach the year 5766, may we all be inscribed for a healthy and happy New Year. L’shana Tova Tikateivu!  

L’Shalom,
Jeremy Barras