The Search Begins……………

I am reading a book titled, The New Rabbi, A Congregation Searches for Its Leader, By Stephen Fried. It’s about Har Zion Temple in Philadelphia and their search to replace Rabbi Gerald Wolpe who had been their spiritual leader for thirty years. The author chronicles not only the search process but temple politics and “the retail business of religion.” Truthfully, it’s not that great a book but there are some interesting passages, especially those that sound like they could have been written about Temple Beth El. If anyone wants to borrow it, stop by my office and I’ll lend it to you.
 
The following is an excerpt I found amusing and wanted to share with our search committee and you. “Apparently Har Zion is not the only synagogue, and Judaism not the only religion, having problems filling pulpits at this, the late-April height of clergy employment season. In an e-mail several mornings later is this unsigned parody memo, which Rabbi Monson received anonymously and forwarded to almost every rabbi I ever heard of.

The following is a confidential report on several candidates being considered for a pulpit:

*Adam: Good man but problems with his wife. Also reference told of how his wife and he enjoy walking nude in the woods.

*Noah: Former pulpit of 120 years with not even one convert. Prone to unrealistic building projects.
 
*Abraham: Though the references reported wife-swapping, the facts seem to show he never slept with another man’s wife, but did offer to share his own wife with another man.
 
*Joseph: A big thinker, but a braggart, believes in dream interpreting and has a prison record.

*Moses: A modest and meek man, but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an earlier church over a murder charge.

*David: The most promising leader of all until we discovered the affair he had with his neighbor’s wife.

*Elijah: Prone to depression. Collapses under pressure.

*Jonah: Refused God’s call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed up by a great fish. He told us the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up.

*John: Says he’s a Baptist, but definitely doesn’t dress like one He slept in the outdoors for months on end, has a weird diet and provokes denominational leaders.

*Peter: Too blue-collar. Has a bad temper, even has been known to curse. Had a big run in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, but a loose cannon.

*Paul: Powerful CEO type leader and fascinating preacher. However, short on tact, unforgiving with younger ministers, harsh and has been known to preach all night.

*Timothy: Too young!

*Methuselah: Too old…WAY to old!

*Jesus: Has had popular times, but once his church grew to five thousand he managed to offend them all, and then his church dwindled to twelve people. Seldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he’s single.

*Judas: His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We’re inviting him to preach this Sunday. Possibilities here.

By the time you get this bulletin, we should have received some resumes from our candidates. I’ll keep you posted.

Arthur B. Kramer, Executive Director