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“Improvements”
As the High Holy Day season approaches, I begin to think about the things in my life I want to change during the coming year. I review the year just past and usually key in on those events that particularly disturbed me or disappointed me. I think about the times when I let other people down or let myself down. I dwell on the sadness or the guilt I feel, and hope that it will motivate me to do better next year.
I think I won't do that this year.
Guilt has become as much a part of our cultural identity as Grandma's Shabbos brisket or searching for the Afikomen on Pesach. We're easily convinced that a little bit of guilt helps us to become better people. Its influence is so strong that some incorporate it into their self-image: "I feel bad, therefore I am." But is this really a positive impetus for change?
In my years studying to be a choral conductor, I heard horror stories about famous maestros who would throw temper tantrums, terrorizing their choirs or orchestras. Fortunately, my mentor had an entirely different philosophy. He recognized that music is the result of the physical, mental and emotional energy a human being puts into it. This is particularly true of singing where the instrument is the human body. He taught that if you made a person feel worse, they are likely to be less successful at achieving the desired result - not more. The physical response to negative input will be the constriction of muscles, thought processes and creativity - a guarantee that the already unsatisfactory result will only deteriorate.
Our Jewish tradition teaches us this as well. There is a religious viewpoint that reads the story of creation as the basis for the doctrine of original sin. Because of the disobedience of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, argues this philosophy, humankind was put into a perpetually sinful state. As a result, the best hope of an individual is to try to rise as much as possible from the preordained condition of human sinfulness. Jewish theology couldn't disagree more.
Our understanding of human nature comes from God's words: "Let us make humankind in our image." Our tradition teaches that the Divine spark has been implanted within every human being. The focus is not on errors in judgment or misguided behaviors, but on discovering our innate goodness. The goal of our lives is to realize the Divine potential that exists within us - to unmask the inner light we harbor, making it manifest to the world around us. How can we do that if we feel bad about ourselves?
I'm going to try something different during these High Holy Days. Instead of trying to fix things in myself I think are bad, I'm going to try embarking on a plan of personal "home improvements." Instead of asking myself what I can do to change things I don't like, I'm going to experiment with exploring ways to make my life more fulfilling. Perhaps it will be best to start with the little things - things that will nurture my everyday existence and enable me, in turn, to better serve those around me. Maybe I'll begin with a little more sleep, or more regular meals or resisting the temptation to come to work on my day off.
If I can do those little, positive things, I wonder how my life will improve? What will be the impact on my own day-to-day experience? Will it enhance my ability to offer personal support to others? I guess I'll have to wait a few months to find out.
May each of us be inscribed for a year of goodness and blessing.
B’shalom,
Andrew Bernard
Cantor
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