Human Sexuality Programs

Temple Beth El began working on a human sexuality program for our Religious School students four years ago after reports of new dating trends that downplayed intimacy and commitment hit the national media. We researched both local and national programs, pulling from the best material available to create our Just Say Know! program for sixth graders. We will offer this program for the third consecutive year this spring. The program is designed to undergird the decisions our pre-teens face with Jewish values, and to foster communication between students and parents. Dates and details have been sent by mail to families of sixth graders, and are listed in this issue of the VOICE.

About a year after our initial efforts here in Charlotte, the Reform movement began work on its own human sexuality curriculum called Sacred Choices. The program was first described at the 2005 URJ Biennial in Houston, with Rabbi Eric Yoffie calling on congregations to recognize and address harmful trends. Sexual experimentation that rejects intimacy and commitment, Rabbi Yoffie said, “means never having a healthy relationship and not knowing what’s involved in developing one.” The URJ offered sample modules from the middle school curriculum of Sacred Choices to Biennial attendees, and subsequently released the completed curriculum, which we have incorporated into our sixth grade program at Temple Beth El.

At the recent 2007 Biennial in San Diego, another series of workshops focused on issues of sexuality for middle and high school students. Perhaps the most fascinating
was a round-table discussion with nine high school seniors. With a facilitator asking questions and guiding the discussion, these high school students sat in a circle in the middle of the room and addressed a broad range of topics around sexuality including intimacy, commitment,
peer pressure and peer support, the role of the internet, and the role of parents. Those of us attending the workshop sat around the periphery of the room and “listened in” on their conversation. Some of it was predictable while some was eye-opening. Three particular
topics caught my attention: communication between teens via the internet, the desire for parental involvement, and perceived pressures on younger students.

Communication is the key to any relationship, so the discussion of how these teens were communicating personal information via internet sights such as Facebook and MySpace was, for me, problematic. One girl said that she learned that her friend was gay when he stated it on his Facebook page — yet he was too reticent to share that information with her one-on-one. One of the boys explained that the announcement of relationship breakups was frequently done through postings on their personal pages so that friends would have the information immediately and know how to respond (or not) when they next saw them. While this certainly can avoid awkward moments between friends, learning to work through uncomfortable situations face-to-face is a part of developing the understanding and trust that is central to any healthy relationship. While no one wants to suffer the pain that is a natural hazard of intimacy, it is often the cycle of pain, resolution and healing that strengthens the bond between two people.

The teens also talked about their desire to be able to talk to their parents about issues of sexuality. Not surprisingly, they didn’t want to be lectured or instructed, but simply listened to and supported. It was interesting to get the kids’ take on how they thought their parents perceived the sexual exploits of teens.

Finally, the high school seniors expressed their concerns for their middle school and early high school friends and siblings. They worried that the pressures their younger peers were facing were much more difficult than those they faced even a few short years ago, and displayed remarkably protective feelings.

The URJ’s high school module of Sacred Choices is due to be published this month and we will be using it as we begin to create a human sexuality program for our ninth grade Hebrew High School students. As the pressures of society and technology continue to threaten the happiness and safety of our kids, we continue to press forward doing all we can to offer them the support, knowledge and the embrace of community as they continue their important, difficult and sacred journey into adulthood.  

L’shalom,
Andrew Bernard
Cantor