B’nei Mitzvah at Temple Beth El

Of all my areas of involvement at Temple Beth El, there is perhaps nothing I’m more proud of than our b’nei mitzvah program. My arrival in Charlotte eight years ago coincided with the explosion in the number of b’nei mitzvah students entering our program. While Cantor Shepherd had begun to consolidate the tutoring schedule, it was clear that a complete overhaul of the program was going to be necessary.

During my first year, I tutored all of the students alone. They came three at a time for an hour. During each session, I would spend a little time with all three together reviewing prayers and blessings, and then worked one-on-one with the students on their Torah and Haftarah portions while the other two would work together as a pair, the student further along in the process teaching the student who was in the early stages. Since all of the tutoring was done in the Chapel, I could overhear the teaching being done across the room. At the end of that year, I invited several of the students who showed good promise as teachers to become tutors/madrichim.

Since my second year, students have come six at a time for an hour. While I began with five madrichim, there are now more than 40 post-b’nei mitzvah students who tutor in the program. I regard teaching the madrichim how to become good teachers as important as the instruction given to the b’nei mitzvah students themselves. The V’ahavta says “you shall teach them diligently to your children…” — and what better way to insure that Jewish tradition is passed down from generation to generation than to begin by helping the older children pass their knowledge along to their younger counterparts.

One of the drawbacks of this system is that I get less individual time with each of the students. In order to compensate, part of my weekly routine is spending time in Hebrew School. For the first hour, I often walk the halls, dropping into classrooms. Sometimes I observe, sometimes I participate in whatever lesson is being taught, and sometimes the teacher will pause and invite me to hold a session of ask-the-cantor. I will also go to the classrooms to teach specific lessons, especially introduction to Torah chanting for the 6th grade. The last half hour is spent in t’fillah in the Temple Sanctuary. Alternating between 3rd and 4th grades one week, and 5th and 6th grades the next, we pray the daily service together. This not only gives the students an opportunity to become familiar with worship, but I use this time to engage them in discussions on the nature of prayer or how to look at their daily routines through the eyes of Judaism. In this way, I begin to establish relationships with the students long before b’nei mitzvah preparation begins.

Establishing and maintaining those relationships is the most important part of the program. Of course I want our students to learn Hebrew and the prayers, but by far the most valuable piece is giving them an opportunity to develop a relationship with their clergy and their Temple. Being a teenager in today’s America is challenging at best, and often frightening and unsettling. In addition to the support they find at home, we want the kids to know that Shalom Park in general and Temple Beth El in particular is a place where they can find nurturing and support. I believe that enduring relationships with clergy is one of the greatest gifts we can give our students now and for the rest of their lives.

Being a large synagogue has both advantages and challenges. We have resources that most smaller congregations can only dream of. But we also don’t want to lose the individual attention that people receive in smaller congregations. In order to do this, we must be mindful of each person’s unique needs while at the same time establishing parameters that keep the overall program vibrant and manageable. Unlike the “bar mitzvah factory” approach of some large congregations, we try to tailor the program to the circumstances and interests of each student and family. I meet individually with each family before starting the tutoring process and help each student choose parts of the Torah and Haftarah portions that interest them — even though it would be easier to standardize these things so I didn’t have the time-consuming task of producing new, customized materials each week. There are some restrictions, however. We can’t start tutoring sessions earlier than 21 weeks before a bar or bat mitzvah because there are not enough hours in the week to accommodate the extra students. We can, however, set students up with approved tutors in advance if they feel they need to get a head start on their preparation. For the same reason, we don’t offer makeup sessions for students but can match them up with tutors for extra help.

The Board has recently approved two policies to keep the program running smoothly and making sure that all families are treated fairly. Assigning b’nei mitzvah dates is a daunting and complex task; once they are assigned, switching dates is not possible. Otherwise, the ensuing chaos would threaten the integrity of the program. The second policy states that, in cases of students with divorced parents, all b’nei mitzvah program information is sent to both biological or adoptive parents, except in cases where doing so would contradict a court order. This is to reinforce our number one priority: our commitment to welfare of the student. Should you have any questions about either of these policies, please don’t hesitate to send me an e-mail asking for further clarification.

I have the opportunity to interface with clergy and lay leaders from all over the country, and I can tell you that our b’nei mitzvah program is considered one of the most unique and ideal programs of any of the programs in the Reform movement. I am proud of what we accomplish — and am especially proud of our commitment to serving our greatest resource: our children.  

L’shalom,
Andrew Bernard
Cantor