UNIQUENESS

There is a teaching that celebrates the uniqueness of every individual born into the world. In 1960, Martin Buber, in The Way of Man, wrote:

“Every person born into this world represents something new, something that never existed before, something original and unique. ‘It is the duty of every person in Israel to know and consider that he is unique in the world in his particular character and that there has never been anyone like him in the world, for if there had been someone like him, there would have been no need for him to be in the world. Every single man is a new thing in the world, and is called upon to fulfill his particularity in this world….” Every man’s foremost task is the actualization of his unique, unprecedented and never-recurring potentialities, and not the repetition of something that another, and be it even the greatest, has already achieved.”

I’m guessing that most people agree with the notion that each of us is unique — each with our own personalities, gifts, and quirks. Where we often get hung up is when we start grappling with the reality that each of us is different.

While these two things seem like they should be the same, we admire qualities that are unique while we often feel challenged by people who are different. Most of us have heroes — those people we admire and respect, and would like to emulate. Younger people often try to dress like or speak like or act like their heroes. They think that if they imitate them, they will be like them. When I was in the early stages of my conducting studies, I met someone in my graduate program who had founded a very fine community chorus and orchestra specializing in high-quality performances of early music. His work was quite enviable. I was sure that this would be a path I’d like to follow.

But as I got to know him, I learned that there were personal consequences that arose from his professional drive. His musical life was very exciting but in other areas, his life was not as happy. And I realized that you can’t have one part without the other. You can’t borrow this trait from one individual and that interest from another individual and try to glue them together to turn yourself into your ideal person. You would end up like a superficial collage rather than a thoughtful, integrated human being.

Growth begins by first understanding and embracing your uniqueness. Instead of imitating what someone else does, you need to figure out how make those things you admire your own. Often we have to learn to integrate the underlying principles or motivation rather than the action itself. And we must be prepared for a result that may look and feel very different from our model because it truly reflects our own individualism.

Embracing your uniqueness is sometimes painful. Life can be a lot bumpier if you’re not traveling a well-worn path. Those who value a rugged hike through the woods will rejoice with you on your journey, while those who prefer a drive on the interstate may find your path difficult to comprehend. Maintaining a unique sense of self in an environment that prefers to default to a common denominator can cause discord. While some may appreciate certain aspects of your persona, they may also struggle because they have to work harder to interact with you.

Those who hold fast to their uniqueness must also resist the temptation to exaggerate differences and exacerbate friction. Being contentious is not the same as being different. Arrogance or cynicism do not speak to a person’s uniqueness as much as it speaks to their uneasiness. The ability to appreciate your own place in the world and simultaneously appreciate the environment in which you live takes effort.

Our monthly Service of Healing and Comfort offers a prayer that asks for the strength, wisdom and courage to fully realize our own uniqueness for the benefit of ourselves and the world around us, and as a reflection of God’s infinite being in the world:

“My God, I thank you for my life and my soul and my body; for my name, my nature, my way of thinking and talking. Help me realize that in my qualities is Your holiness. Help me to see that I am Your creature, unique in all the world. Help me find my own divine spark, the holiness within, so that I may make whole my own ways of loving, caring and being. Help me to become complete so that I may honor Your name through acts of holiness and love. Baruch atah, Adonai, haEil hakadosh — Blessed are You, Adonai, for Your holiness and ours.”

L’shalom,
Andrew Bernard
Cantor